GO TO HELL

dont mistake.
GO TO HELL is one of Gazette songs. i think its damn cute.
but i really feel like saying to alot of peeps

anyway anyway. i apologise to all readers for such emo posts these few days when all of you are prolly expectin nice AFA pictures. i'll get them up by tmr, i promise.

but allow me one more emo post =.=;;;

==

One guy whom i rejected used to tell me.
I am a rose with a rotten core.
A rose that attracts people, hurts them with thorns but they wanted to look at it, only realising it's only nice on the outside.
I got angry.
I made the guy disappear from my life the second day.

I used to get angry when ppl tell me such things.
but now i dont. Because I have learnt to fully accept it and turned it against them.
I used to hate roses because of that. but now? i love roses. to death.
literally to death i tell you since i m sensitive to flower pollens which could kill me 8D;;; well. could be the keyword, not confirm. HAHAHA

Ever since i turned 15, this was the warning i gave everyone.
Be careful of me.

it was so much negativity you know? I learnt to neutralised it though, and nowadays i hardly say much.
Compared to when I m still like 12, the frequency of me talking is almost halved.
I've learnt to be kinder to people, I've learnt to accomodate.
I push myself
I stress myself
every single shit, i take them all.
I am still learning. I still am.

Everyone keeps telling me, you are strong etc etc.
let me tell you why
I do not allow myself to be intimidated.
the moment i fear someone, i will lose to them.
that was a very precious lesson taught to me by someone.

==

okay. honestly.
two hours before this i was filled with anger AGAIN. but not due to the AFA thing, its somethingelse.
I had so much to say, but after i bath and sat down here. I forgot. all the anger turned into disappoinment and remorse, dont even know how that two shit get together. HAHAHAHAHA 8D;; ah well.

===

I am so randomly bloggin know since i dont know why i opened this page for anyway.

==

i m not really afraid of flesh wounds like cuts and burns, cept for the fact that they leave scars.
What really hurts is when you cant breath, when something clenches and you dont know what the fuck is the cause, or something jus throbs. Wounds that you cant see are the ones you should fear the most.
Both physical and emotional wounds.
So much have been inflicted.
It hurts, but i just stare and stare.

I've learnt that it doesnt matter.
Its only a matter of time till everything disappears for real.

===

suicide is a stupid thing to do.
I had thoughts of it when I was in Secondary school.
but nw. fuck that.
its a stupid thing.
I still wish that sometimes I will never wake up.
but i have too many important stuff that I m too selfish to leave behind.

==

on a nicer note 8D

CIEL TURNED 15 ALREADY 8D yesterday. i forgot to blog bout it in the midst of my rage =.=;;;

AND YUUTO IS TURNING 17 IN 30MINS 8D

dont ask me why my boys are so close to my age. BLAH. i like it like that. /0/