The Memories

This is my wife. Toya.

we just broke up. and i m gonna dedicate this entire post to her. it isnt much, but still....

The Start

if there wasnt fye, we would probably have never been together, but den again, she would never had to suffer...

060907, the first day we got together. she was really happy i suppose? so was i. but i never imagine how much i could have hurt her. it wasnt a fair thing to her.

130907, two days ago, i think, i trick her into thinkin i m goin to visit her school on 15 but i crashed in on our first week. she was in her polka dot school uniform.very cute. the wait of hour+ was worth it ^^
I crashed at her house alot to skip school. it was a nice two person world then.

irst month was nice. but i started to waver. i told myself to wake up, i should treat her better. she cried. i was loss for words. that was the first time i saw her cry, but i couldnt do anything. i failed. as a boyfriend.
The gifts
she gave me two jackets, alot of food. not to mention the LIANG TEH. now i'll always remember her when i drink liang teh, which i often do. the rings, the necklace, the handphone accessories the charms, and her love and time. it was overwhelming. I gave her rings only. i did not return equal amount of love,care and time. i still have her christmas present with me. i failed, throughly.
The problems
The problem was never with her. it was always me. I had a uspeakable violent mood swing and it can hit anyone. she has it half the time. i was...cruel. really very.
Zio. I was jealous, den i realise it wasnt really her fault. I was neglecting Toya, Zio was with her when i couldnt. i failed once more. Zio was able to give her time and care, i wasnt able to. its really bad.
Pairs. cagey and reila, oujo and kuro. they are so lovin arent they? i think toya wanted the same. i wanted the same too. but it seemed impossible. something was holding me. that was when i realised, i like toya ALOT. but it was nothing close to love. i failed as a boyfriend once again. maybe i was really wasting her time.
i did not want to, took a holiday and decided. it was time. i left her a msg for breakup.
today she came back, the first thing i dropped on her was the breakup. i was cruel. still am.if i could, i wanna be at her side now to console her, but i cant. it is this way. i can only ask people to help me do the job. i m a overall coward. i falied throughly. I CANNOT TAKE CARE OF PEOPLE. its useless. i hope she'll find someone who is better to her than me. I still like you,
toya. i'll still protect you whenever i could. but i m not of standard to be the one to protect your heart. you've cried too much for me, contributed too much for me, wasted too much for me. and i'll never forget everything. never. to me, you were once my girl but you deserve better. its time for me to let go. time for you to move on. but nothing will change if you dun want to. you are still Requiestcat Rehauste, Toya Kamiya. you still belong with us in this family, you still have a place in my mind and heart. I hope you truly understand. That night we have already talked about it, and it ended this way. i think you've predicted it too. If we cannot be like we used to, i have nothingelse to say. i deserved it. To the first girl in my life.Do not waste your tears. I'll be there as a brother, but not as a lover anymore.
Toya, this blog was opened for you and will always be.


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