Thanks nut =.=

my mood. was rotten.enough.

and i happen to chance upon this story in dear NUTNUT's blog. which causes such heav miseries that i nearly cried in cls. GAH. i need more of this kind of stories though. makes you realise how shitty life can be. SAME SHIT. DIFFERENT DAYS. fuck. read the whole fucking story and you'll know why. whether you know those ppl anot, honestly, i dont know them, but i know they are from some korean boyband. thanks.

Title: Angel Wings
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Hyukjae/Leeteuk; One sided HyukMin
Genre: Angst; character death; major saddness
Chapter: 2/2 Complete

"I--I don't understand Hyung! I....we love each other. You love me. What are you doing this to me? Our relationship was perfect. No one expected us! Just.....please.....why?" Hyukjae pleads, grasping Leeteuk's shoulders in a desperate attempt to sway his lover.

"I don't want to do this anymore Hyukjae. I'm tired of it and my feelings for you have changed. Just let it go. It's over." Leeteuk pulls away from Hyukjae and walks out of the room.

A heavy sense of agony settles over the room and Hyukjae falls to the floor. It takes him a moment to remember to breathe and when he does, he can only take deep shuddering gasps.

To anyone who could hear, it almost sounds like crying.

But he wasn't crying.

No.

Lee Hyukjae would not cry.

*-*-*-*-
I thought it was too good to be true
i found somebody who understands me
someone who would help me to get through
and fill an emptiness i had inside me
but you kept inside and i just denied
somethings that we should have both said
i knew it was too good to be true
'cause i'm the only one who understands me
*-*-*-*-

When Hyukjae walks into the kitchen, he feels no emotion. It's as if the world is spinning slowly and he is on warpped speed. He sits down at the table, fully intent on eating. It seems the food never leaves the plate, never makes its way to his mouth.

This goes unnoticed by all.

*-*-*-*-
What happened to us?
we used to be so perfect, now we're lost and lonely
what happened to us?
and deep inside i wonder, did i lose my only?
*-*-*-*-

Hyukjae sits in front of the television, motionless. He breathes deeply and evenly. Calm as he can be. He holds in his hand a picture.

A picture from Sukira where Hyukjae and Leeteuk were laughing and clutching at each other to stay upright.. The closeness between them was obvious, but the once deep connection they had, was a mere twinkle in the eyes of the picture.

He feels more than hears someone enter the room. He finds himself with a lap full of Sungmin not a moment later.

"Hyukkie?" Sungmin asks. Hyukjae feels vaugely at sea and he takes a sharp intake of breath.

"It hurts Sungmin-ah." He whispers burying his head in his Hyung's shoulder. Sungmin, not fully understanding the situation, was able to realize Hyukjae's heart lay wounded in his heaving chest.

He gently runs his fingers through Hyukjae's hair.

They cry together.

*-*-*-*-
Remember they thought we were too young
to really know what it takes to make it
but we had survived off what we have done
so we could show them all that they're mistaken
but who could have known, the lies that would grow,
until we could see right through them
remember they knew we were too young
we still dont know what it takes to make it
*-*-*-*-

Hyukjae walks to his bedroom, feet heavy as lead. A half asleep Sungmin trails behind him. He had asked the older man to stay with him tonight. Lately Leeteuk and been avoiding his and Hyukjae's shared bedroom.

Hyukjae crawls into his small bed and pulls the sleep Sungmin down next to him. He snuggles into the warmth available and dozes odd into a half hearted sleep.

Questions swimming around.

Tears falling down.

*-*-*-*-
What happened to us?
we used to be so perfect, now we're lost and lonely
what happened to us?
and deep inside i wonder, did i lose my only one?
*-*-*-*-

When Hyukjae wakes up, he feels the warm arms wrapped around him and for one moment in time, everything is alright. When he opens his eyes, he sees only dark hair and feels slightly sick to think he no longer can sleep like this with his Teukie Hyung.
Sungmin rolls over on top of Hyukjae making the younger man sigh.

This wasn't how things are supposed to be.

He pulls away from the fake comfort and walks to the door. He looks over at Leeteuk's bed to find it unslept in. His heart throbs.

He turns the knob of the door slowly and tip toes out into the hallway. Hyukjae feels as if he's in a fun house as he walks down the narrow hallway. He head was spinning and he remembers it had been a while since he had actually eaten anything. He turns the corner to the kitchen and promptly runs into a soft body that smelt heavenly.

Hyukjae stares up into the beautiful eyes of none other than Leeteuk. The one he loves. The one that had betrayed him, by stealing his heart and lying to him. Leeteuk's eyes seem to convey only one emotion and Hyukjae is shocked to see it.

Anger.

"H-hyung, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to--" Leeteuk cuts him off.

"Move out of my way Hyukjae." He says in a low tone. It makes Hyukjae wince. He can't stand this anymore. He reaches his hand out slowly to touch Leeteuk's neck.

"Teukie Hyung, please. Tell me what I did wrong? What did I do to upset you? Wasn't I a good boyfriend? Why are you so angry with me?.........Why did you....break up with me?" Hyukjae croaks. Desperate need filling him.

"I'm in love with Sungmin."

*-*-*-*-
We could have made it work, we could have found a way
we shoud of have done our best to see another day
but we kept it all inside until it was too late
and now we're both alone, the consequence we pay
for throwing it all away, for throwing it all away
*-*-*-*-

Hyukjae couldn't stop the continuing have of his stomach. The bitter bile kept making an appearance, despite the facy Hyukjae had nothing to spare. He grips at the toilet seat as a pounding on the door startles him.

"Hyukjae-ah? Are you okay?" Sungmin's melodious voice wafts through the oak door.

"Y-yeah. Just a little sick. Don't worry. Go have yourself some breakfast Sungmin, I'll be out soon." Hyukjae scrambles to sit on the edge of the bath tub and attempts to clear his head.

Leeteuk didn't love him.

No.

He loved Sungmin.

Hyukjae could never accept that. It's too......much.

He takes a razor blade in his hand and contemplates his next move. He contemplates his next move quickly. Swiftly unlocking the door, Hyukjae turns to crawl into the bath tub. He makes a few strategic cuts and sits for a moment enjoying the feeling he gets.

He feels the life draining out of his weary hearbroken body. He faintly thinks he hears a knock and suddenly someone is holding him and dragging him out onto the floor.

Hyukjae had the strength to panic thinking its Sungmin that has found him in such a state.

"Hyukjae!" He hears before his vision blacks. That voice was so familiar. Hyukjae loved to hear it for some reason. He feels his body pulled toward a blinding heat and arms wrap around him. The person smelt lik Leeteuk. Hyukjae decided to state this.

"You smell like my Teukie-Hyung. I love him. He h--h-atessss meeeee." Hyukjae whispers his voice losing its ability. He feels the arms tighten around him and he breathes in the scent of the Teukie shadow.

He lets loose into the world of unconsciousness.

*-*-*-*-
What happened to us?
we used to be so perfect, now we're lost and lonely
what happened to us?
and deep inside i wonder, did i lose my only?
*-*-*-*-

Leeteuk sat holding Hyukjae in his arms as he feels the life slowly draining from him.
"Help! Someone call an ambulance!" Leeteuk screams clutching at the man in his arms. Tears were streaming down the leader’s face. Why had he let this happen? How could he have let things get so bad?

"You smell like my Teukie-Hyung. I love him. He h-hatesss meee." Hyukjae whispers before dropping off into unconsciousness. Leeteuk’s heart breaks.

"No! I don’t hate you Hyukkie. I love you with all my heart. But-we couldn’t be together because…."

Kangin and Yehsung come scrambling into the room. Both stare dumbfounded. Leeteuk screams at them to call for help. He cradles Hyukjae’s body to his own in a vain attempt to keep his dying flesh alive and warm.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be.

----------------------------------

In this word you tried

Not leaving me alone behind

There’s no other way

I prayed to the Gods let him stay

The memories ease the pain inside

Now I know why

----------------------------------

Leeteuk watches at the paramedics load the wilted form of Hyukjae into the ambulance. He feels as if he’s about to die himself.

He moves forward, stating that he’d like to ride with Hyukjae. The medics give him a strange look and he adds, "He’s my boyfriend." They nod in acceptance and Leeteuk climbs in next to his love.

He grasps at Hyukjae’s hand as more tears of regret and sorrow stream down his face.

This was all his fault.

If only…….

-----------------------------------------------

All of my memories keep you near

In silent moments imagine you here

All of my memories keep you near

Your silent whispers

Silent tears

------------------------------------------------

Leeteuk paces the waiting room as he awaits any sign of Hyukjae’s life. Ryeowook kept trying to grasp onto the leader to keep him still and possibly sane, but it seemed useless. The members all sat in various stages of despair. They all talked about Hyukjae’s recent behavior, which only now they could label as strange.

"Why would he do this Teukie-Hyung?" Sungmin’s voice rings clear among the babble.

Leeteuk looks up into the eyes of the one man whom this had begun with.


"Why have you asked so much of me?" Leeteuk whispers before turning to walk out the door.

A painful flashback washes over him.

----------------------------------------------------

Made me promise

I’d try to find my way back in this life

I hope there is a way

To give me a sign you’re okay

Reminds me again it’s worth it all

So I can go on.

---------------------------------------------------------

~Flashback~

"Leeteuk-Hyung, can I ask you something?" Sungmincomes into Leeteuk’s room closing the door behind him. The leader glances up from the computer screen with a beautiful smile.

"Of course Sungmin-ah. What can I help you with?" The younger man shuffles to sit on Leeteuk’s bed.

"Well, I know this may be somewhat out of line, but you’re close with Hyukjae right?" This question throws Leeteuk off. Did Sungmin know about his and Hyukjae’s relationship?

"Yeah, I guess so. Why Sungmin?"

Sungmin twitches his fingers in his lap. He looks up straight into Leeteuk’s eyes as he replies, "I’m in love with him."

--------------------------------------------------------

All of my memories keep you near is

In silent moments imagine you here

All of my memories keep you near

You silent whispers, silent tears

----------------------------------------------------------

When the doctor emerges from the room amongst nurses and aids, Leeteuk is the first to rush towards him.

"How is he doctor? Please tell me he made it."

Sungmin scrambles to Leeteuk’s side. He grasps at the leader’s arm and Leeteuk cringes. The doctor looks professional as he states, " Lee Hyukjae’s condition is still poor. He lost a lot of blood and we had to give him two transfusions. Only time will tell if he’ll make it. The next 24 hours are crucial. If we get anymore information, we will tell you."

Leeteuk feel sicker at the prospect of Hyukjae’s "Almost" making it, rather than him leaving them.

"C-can we see him?" Sungmin asks quietly.

The doctor sighs and takes in their grief ridden faces.

"That’s not really a good idea right now. We need to keep a watchful eye on him."

Leeteuk pleads, "Please, just the two of us. Only for a minute. I need to see him doctor."

The man looks thoughtful, then nods. "Okay, but only for a minute."

Leeteuk quickly pulls Sungmin into Hyukjae’s room and feels his legs give way. There his love lay, various tubes and wires attached to his body. This beautiful angel shouldn’t be in such pain.

It was all their fault.

"Sungmin-ah, are you happy now? I broke up with him and this is what he did. Are you happy?!" Leeteuk yells. Sungmin’s lower lip trembles slightly as he runs his finger up and down Hyukjae’s limp arm. He ghosts over the IV stuck in the skin and draws a deep breath.

"If I can’t have him, the you sure as hell can’t." Sungmin says as he begins to pull tubes, plugs and wires out like a mad man. Leeteuk screams and lunges for the man, all the while hearing the piercing shriek of Hyukjae’s heart monitor.

------------------------------------------------------------

All of my memories keep you near

In silent moments imagine you here

All of my memories keep you near

You silent whispers, silent tears

-----------------------------------------------------

It takes seven people to drag Leeteuk and Sungmin out of the room, and then ten people rush to restore Hyukjae. Leeteuk is screaming curses and threats, trying to get as Sungmin. The younger man was sobbing and holding his face where Leeteuk had punched him. He murmurs, "I’m sorry", over and over again.

The rest of the members come to collect their leader and the usually innocent Sungmin. Leeteuk grabs at Kangin’s shirt and burries his face.

"He’s going to die. I know it. It’s all my fault for giving in to Sungmin. He-he threatened to leak information about Hyukjae and I. He had pictures of us together. He was going to expose our relationship and ruin the group, unless I broke up with Hyukjae. So I did. Now he’s dying….I killed him. I KILLED HIM!"

Leeteuk feels his body and mind shutting down. If his beautiful Hyukjae dies, he would go with him.

He feels his body being picked up and carried. He doesn’t know where and vaguely panics that he’ll be too far away from his Hyukkie, but then the darkness of his mind overtakes him.

-------------------------------------------------------

Together in all these memories

I see you smile

All the memories I hold dear

Darling you know

I will love you until the end of time

--------------------------------------------------------

Leeteuk wakes up in his bed at the dorm. Warm blankets cover him as sunlight streams through the window. He quickly throws the blankets back and runs to the door.

The dorm is eerily quiet as Leeteuk pads to the living room. There he finds Kangin, Ryeowook and KyunHyun. Their expressions show shock at seeing him.

"Hyukjae?" Leeteuk croaks. Kangin stand and walks to embrace him.

"No." He whispers.

Leeteuk’s throat is raw by the time he stops screaming. He’s shaking and even throws up on his self. He can see the fear in Ryeowook and Kyuhyun’s eyes as they attempt to help Kangin.

"I---I want my Hyukkie-ah." Leeteuk whispers against Ryeowook’s neck.

"We want him too Hyung." Ryeowook whispers back.

Suddenly as Kyuhyun is trying to change his shirt, Leeteuk stands up and clenches his fists.

"I’m going to kill him. I’m going to kill Sungmin. He did this. It’s all his fault!" Kangin grabs the leader around the waist.

"No Hyung. He’s gone. Sungmin’s gone too." He whispers into Leeteuk’s hair. It takes the leader a minute to work out what has been said. To many thoughts and emotions were coursing through his body. Memories of Hyukjae and his relationship were ripping his heart to pieces.

"G-gone?" He asks. "Just like Hyukkie?" Leeteuk falls to the floor. He suddenly felt useless and un-needed in this world. The only person he had ever truly loved, had not only left him, but this world. On top of that, the only person he could seek revenge on was gone too.

Except himself.

Leeteuk realizes he had broken Hyukjae’s heart right before he’d died.

He had to seek revenge on himself.

----------------------------------------------------

All of my memories keep you near

In silent moments imagine you here

All of my memories keep you near

You silent whispers, silent tears

----------------------------------------------------

They thought is was fine.

That everything was okay now.

They thought that sticking him in this place would keep him from seeking his revenge, but he always found ways.

Whether he held his breath till he felt dizzy and passed out, or before the straight jacket, he would bite at his arms. Now he took to trying to bite his own toungue off.

Why wouldn’t they let him die?

He wanted it.

This was torture on his soul.

He wanted to be with his Hyukjae in Heaven. He wanted to see that beautiful smile and hear him say Teukie-Hyung, just one more time.

One more time.

As Teukie sat in his room, too many medications in his system to do anything by breathe, he feels a cool hand on his face. He lifts his head to find his Hyukkie smiling that beautiful smile.

"I came back for you."


All of my memories…