Perfection

another husband to my collection. the eldest brother in the body, Lind. Lind, Akito and Agito, all mine 8D *gets bricked to death*

Anyway, today I read a story about how a girl framed her boyfriend for a pregnancy just to remain innocent. Shows how far people go just to remain the perfect victim in the eyes of the others.

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For me? Perfection is demanding from oneself. It is VERY VERY tiring to keep it up. For example. When I look in the mirror, i know that I am not in anyway good looking. I learn and practice makeup just to be as good looking as how people expect. It might seem like an easy thing to do, but does any one actually realise how tiring it was?

For me, it is. I DREAD IT. I love doing makeup and making others pretty, when it comes to self groomin I DREAD IT. but why do i do it? because I want attention, and in this world, when you look good you can get attention. Whether it is wanted or not, you can.

Dont ask me why I am doing such a negative post. I just feel like it. shoot me. I am sick with a sore throat so I am feelin bitchy.

to start off. here is how I always get my "bishonen-look" as everyone calls it.

Contacts lens. honestly. I HATE CONTACTS. you know, you might look good or near ethereal with contacts, but it really does not have the comfort of specs. Your eyes goes dry and there are so many things to take care of. for example, NO BBQ WITH CONTACTS but you can stand infront of a full fledge burning fire with your glasses on.

after i put on my contacts, i would usually get very irritated with myself. I dont know why, but whatever.

Nex comes the makeup. Concealer. i cant just smear it, i have to pat it in. Foundation, needs to make sure that it has an overall coverage and not look two tone under flashes. eyeliner, i have to worry about it being uneven or even smudging. this is usually my basic.

when there are eyeshadow involve, i get a hissy because sometime, due to my unskillfull-ness, the freaking powder gets into my eyes and dry it. fuck it once.
mascara. this is the sickness thing ever. they dont dry fast and might even give you panda eyes if not applied properly. you know how annoying it is when i have done near-perfect eyelining only to get it ruin by lousy mascara application? fuck it twice.

This is not the end. nex comes straightening hair. Sometimes my hair gets caught and pulled at for no reason, and sometimes i burn myself, well...there are times i get perfect ironing but its very little of times. and den styling hair. I hate wax. seriously. i hate that sticky feeling and all. i wash my hands again and again after application. hair spray...some of them has this really bad aerosea smell which makes me cring.

After that, I have to worry about what clothes I wear. You know, even though people say that I look good in almost everything I wear, I still go through pains and trouble of making sure i get the right look and portray what I am feelin that day. Unless i am going school or some random unimportant stuff, you hardly see me in a t-shirt + jeans and specs.

I spend loads of money to take care of my skin, accessorizes, hair products, clothes. ETC ETC ETC, at the end of the day, i am left with little resources and i get very pissed with the amount i have again. it really sucks to feel like this.

Whenever people praise me, I am happy but i bet none. and i mean it NONE of them have any idea how much it took for me to stand at where I am now. I worked hard for it, really hard. I am not born pretty even though my mom said i was. I mean, its my mom, of course she will say that. Its really obvious. When my friends in poly catches sight of the pictures I have in my computer, they will ask your boyfriend ar? who's that pretty friend? and their faces of shock and impress always satisfy me but at the same time injure me when I tell them its actually me.

Perfection, my friends. Is a double edge sword. It can boost you and kill you at the same time. I have tried to be who I am not, and will always be who I am not.

To all my friends who are reading this post. You might think you know alot about this friend of yours, but none of you will really know and never will. I am just trying to tell you guys. I still love you guys who loved me for who I am not because the who I am hardly exist anymore. I can only hold on to your expectations to pull myself through.

This is probably just an insane post due to the fever going to my head, and I probably might not remember about it tomorrow morning. At least this was once how I felt, and I have wrote it down. so there.

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I need flu med =.=lll

I need something to keep me more sane till tmr.

*shuffles off with box of tissue*

listening to - Mirotic [DBSK]