Saturday, December 5, 2015

It was all over before I know it.



It has been awhile since i wrote here. I left this blog with the happiest feelings and I came back here with the worst.

The worst thing you can do while getting over a breakup is reading tons of love stories, love manga and looking the lovely couple pictures on the net. All those kisses and hugs that is missed, and the warmth you feel upon your back, face and neck.
It is especially unbearable when you are coup in your room alone on a weekend after a busy week. It just feels extremely cold and soundless, even now that I am typing. There is only the whirling of my fan and the sound of my fingernails clacking on the keyboard.

But yes, it has been 73 days since we broke up. The feeling of sadness has never left me for long.
It gets hard for me, and i m sure for people who have the break ups too. The places we laughed at, both our rooms hold so much memories.
The one who can really feel the most relieve is the one who doesn't take every moment seriously.

They always say that no one ever loses in a game, but I've believed otherwise. Someone will always lose out, and the one who usually does is the one who loves too much and is very afraid of losing the other.
I've never lost this badly, and it hurts too much.
Sometimes I just want time to stop, so that I can stop feeling anything.
It is never easy to push away the one you love, and ones who can do it are usually so brutal.

As much as I wish for your happiness every night, I wish for mine as well.
It is becoming undeniable that a huge crack has been shoved in between us, but it was only because one of us failed to make the effort to pull it back together.
It is always hard to push back land with cracks but it was never impossible.

I hope that someday, you find what you are truly looking for because I just feel that I am slowly fading away.
Isn't it just fine like that?

People are born with a purpose, and to be needed by someone.
When the whole world stops paying attention to them, they cease to exist even if they are breathing.

It is just a bramble of words I am typing out without really thinking them through because it is just so painful everyday.
I am going to start blogging here again as much as I can because there are just some things which are not appropriate for a business website.
It was never right to begin with, so why does it hurt when it have to end?

I guess somewhere inside me, I knew it wasn't going to work out when it all first started because it was never suppose to be like that in the first place.
I can't wear the rings you give me anymore without tearing up.
It has been such a disappointment, as always.

No comments: